


Scattered Flock

by UselessLilium (o0whitelily0o)



Series: Following the shepherd [3]
Category: Shin Megami Tensei: Devil Survivor
Genre: Alternate Universe - Role Reversal, Drabble Collection, Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-08
Updated: 2017-04-22
Packaged: 2018-10-16 12:12:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,463
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10571058
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/o0whitelily0o/pseuds/UselessLilium
Summary: Role Swap AU: A collection of side stories to Balance Point and Thinning the HerdNewest story: A Break-up





	1. Mrs. Minegishi

It’s not that you don’t love your son. You’re sure that’s not it at all. If you didn’t love him, then you wouldn’t worry about him either. And you worry about him all the time.

The real problem is that loving him doesn’t mean you understand what to do with him. He’s almost four years old now, and he barely speaks a word to anyone. Not because he can’t. When he wants to, you’ve heard him talk as well as children already going to school. But unless you pester him about it, you’re lucky if you hear his voice twice in one day. He hardly even bothers staying in the same room as you when he’s playing. He’ll wander off while you’re in the middle of cleaning, and you’ll only notice hours later that he’s been silent that whole time. Sometimes he’s so quiet, you’re plagued by images of him falling and hitting his head, or wandering outside and getting kidnapped, or all kinds of awful things, until you find him again.

You’ve tried to tell your friends about this, but they laugh or sigh the problem away. You’re lucky, they say, to have such a quiet, well-behaved child. But you can tell. When they actually see him, they know something’s wrong with him too. He’s too focused, too somber. Like he knows everything’s about to go wrong and it’s only a matter of time. You don’t understand how anyone could just... be born that way. And it’s such an infectious feeling. None of those other mothers ever ask you to bring him over for a play date, and the few times you’ve tried to offer, you’ve been awkwardly turned down.

Your husband doesn’t understand how deep your concerns go either. Naoya’s just shy, he insists. Once he’s gotten the chance to start school, spend some time around children his own age, he’ll liven up.

You hope he’s right, but he’s out of the house so often because of work. Some nights he doesn’t get home until it’s past time for Naoya to go to bed. He doesn’t realize how  _ eerie  _ it can get, being around your son the entire day, with no break. You try  _ so hard _ to talk to him, get him to play with you. Do anything that’ll actually engage him. But most of the time he’ll just stare at you and whatever game you’re trying to pull him into, and dismiss you with a short, “No thanks.” Or he’ll make an effort at playing along with you, but be so blatantly half-hearted, you know it’s just to get you to give up.

Over and over, you tell yourself not to get angry with him. He’s just a child, he can’t know how he’s upsetting you when he acts like this. But you can’t help it sometimes. The frustration leaks out into a tightening in your voice or a too-aggressive movement, and he always seems to notice. Every time you slip, he shuts his mouth and barely looks at you, and you lose him a little bit more. Having to watch yourself all the time is as exhausting as watching after him.

The only thing he really seems to like is when you read to him, but even that has limits. You’re just not a great speaker. You can tell he gets bored and frustrated with how slowly you read, and you keep tripping over your own tongue. It even bores you to do it, so you really can’t blame him. He has more fun when you teach him how to read on his own, but that worries you too. When he can do that all by himself, what else will  _ you _ even be able do with him? It’ll just be the two of you alone in a silent house. 

You don’t want to think of his going to school as a relief, or dread how quickly he’s learning. You should be proud of your son. And you love him, you  _ do _ . But no matter how or what you try, you just don’t know how to like him.

 

* * *

 

 

For a while, you hesitate to even bring him to your mother-in-law’s ninetieth birthday celebration. But almost all of the family was coming for it. Even if you could convince your husband, you didn’t know what kind of excuse you could give everyone for why you’d leave your four-year old at home for such an important celebration. As expected, the crowd has him scared stiff. He won’t calm down unless you’re holding him, and no matter how many times you try to reassure him or scold that he’s being rude for not greeting his family members, he barely looks at anyone. You don’t think he’s said three words all day.

Your husband’s sister is there too, naturally. She’s as friendly as ever; the second she spots you, she beams, rushes up to hug you and Naoya, and starts chatting away about how it was so lovely to see everyone again, it’s just been forever since she’d had the chance, what with her husband’s transfer, and  _ oh _ , had anyone heard about his  _ promotion _ , it was just such a  _ surprise-! _

You smile. Nod. Let the wave of barely concealed bragging wash over you harmlessly. It takes some time before you notice Naoya’s pulled a little away from you. Not to look at his aunt, though. His eyes were fixed much lower. When you try to match his line of sight, your step-sister pauses in her spiel, and hastily steps to the side with a laugh.

“Oh, I’m sorry! Naoya hasn’t met Kazuya yet, right?” She smiles, and the boy next to her bows his head politely at the introduction. “Naoya, this is your cousin. He’s quite a bit older than you, but I hope you’ll get along.”

“Of course,” you say, and try once again to prod your son, “Say hi to your cousin, Naoya.”

He shifts a little in your arms, and you start to worry that he’ll try to hide against you without answering again. But after a few long seconds, he mutters, “H’llo.”

Kazuya grins, shedding the serious image with ease. “Hey there!” Such a bright smile - you can’t help but give one of your own in return.

“Kazuya,” your sister-in-law says, “Why don’t you go play with Naoya for a while so I can talk with your aunt?”

As soon as it came, your smile disappears in a new wave of worry while you grasp for some kind of excuse to avoid putting your son’s unsociability on the spot. “O-Oh, I don’t want to impose...”

“I don’t mind,” Kazuya pipes up, “As long as Naoya’s okay with it.”

Your heart hurts a little. He’s such a considerate boy, you feel a little guilty for putting him in this position. “Well...” You glance over at your son, but he’s still looking right at Kazuya. You wonder for a second if he’s even blinked. He shifts a little in your arms, and, to your surprise, nods. A little stunned, you set him down on the ground, and Kazuya gently takes his hand and helps lead him out to the yard.

“My!” You laugh a little, trying to not let on just how deep your surprise goes, “Kazuya’s certainly growing up to be very responsible. Naoya’s usually so nervous with new people.”

“Well, it’s no surprise. I’m always hearing from his teachers how well he gets along with his classmates,” she says, and your smile tightens a notch despite yourself. “And he’s  _ such _ a good student, he’s made the top ten of his year again, can you  _ believe _ it?”

You let her take control of the conversation again, so you can keep checking on the two boys out of the corner of your eye. You only get glimpses, but Naoya seems absorbed with his cousin. Looks like he’s telling him a story. 

A touch of jealousy nags at you, despite your relief. But it’s the relief you decide to focus on. It seems like your husband was right all along. Naoya just needs the right kind of friend to help bring him out of his shell. In fact, you think, there’s no reason to wait for compulsory school. As soon as you get home, you’ll talk to your husband about getting Naoya into a good kindergarten this next year.

 

* * *

Even before just one year is through, it’s clear your plan has backfired. Naoya spends more and more time alone when he’s at home, and practically buries himself in his books. You can’t even be proud at how quickly he picked up on reading when he’s just using it to hide from people. Even your husband can’t brush it off any longer. It was one thing to ignore Naoya’s behavior when you were the only one complaining about it, but you both keep hearing from the teachers now too. Always the same thing; he learns quickly, and of course that’s wonderful, but he’s having so much difficulty fitting in. Is there anything you two could do to encourage him to reach out, open himself up to making friends? There are so many children he could get along with, if he just put out a bit of effort.

You do try. Both of you. You talk to Naoya, scold him, explain why he needs to keep working at getting along with people instead of just ignoring them. And you  _ can _ see that Naoya understands the problem. He always looks guilty and ashamed when you’re done, and you keep hoping it’ll lead to some kind of change.

But he’s still as quiet as ever when you pick him up, and he won’t tell you about anything that happened at school. By his second year, the teachers aren’t complaining to you any more, but you can tell from the way they look at the two of you that it’s only because they know it won’t do any good.

You’re starting to give up too, when you get the call from your husband’s mother. 

His sister and her husband have both died in a car accident. Kazuya was at home when it happened, and is staying with her until they can find a permanent place for him to stay.

Your husband doesn’t grieve, not in front of the two of you. You think he’s trying to set an example for Naoya, so you don’t press him on it. He goes to the funeral alone, while you watch Naoya. The last thing you want is for your son to cause problems and make the process even harder for him. When he finally comes home late, Naoya’s been asleep for over an hour. He still doesn’t speak much to you, though he at least answers your questions. 

“How was the drive?” “Fine.” “Is your mother doing alright?” “As much as she can be.” “Do you want some tea?” “I guess. Thanks.”

Eventually, you have to ask, “How was Kazuya?”

He hesitates, then lets out a long sigh. “Quiet, mostly. But he looked like he was holding himself together alright. He’s a tough kid.” You think that’s going to be all - it’s already the longest he’s spoken to you tonight - but then, softly, he adds, “I  _ am _ worried about him, though. We all talked a little about it, but no one’s eager to take in a kid that big. He can’t stay with my mother, she’s just too old. If something happened to her too...” He lets himself trail off, and rubs at his eyes before changing the subject. “Plus it’s his last year of middle school. Transferring’s going to be hard on him no matter what.”

You nod. And then, you ask something you wouldn’t have dared if Naoya were still awake to hear it. “Do you think we should take him in?”

He looks up at you. “Excuse me?”

“We do have plenty of room. And... I’ve thought about it a bit, gone over the numbers. It might take a little adjusting, but we could afford it just fine.” He needs to know this isn’t an impulse. The thought’s been at the back of your head for a few days now. “It’s your decision, but... I just want you to know I wouldn’t mind. He’s always been a very sweet boy. I’m sure he’d be no trouble.”

Your husband sits up a little straighter, and starts to look interested in something for the first time in days, before his face darkens again. “But Naoya...” He sighs heavily, looking away. “That’d be a... very big change for him. Do you think he’d be able to handle it?”

“...I think it’d be good for him. They got along so well the last time they met. I’ve really never seen Naoya warm up to someone so quickly before.” You still smile a little at the memory. “I know that was a while ago, but I really do think Kazuya could really be a wonderful influence on him.”

Your husband’s expression starts to soften. “I don’t think we should make any rash decision this late,” he finally says, before quickly swallowing his last gulp of tea, “But you’re right, it’s worth thinking about. We can talk about it more tomorrow morning, and I’ll call my mother. See what kind of time frame we have to work with.”

You smile and help him up to bed. It’s for his and Naoya’s sake, you tell yourself. Kazuya was  _ such  _ a nice boy. Smart, responsible, caring; someone like that deserved a welcoming home, and you could gladly give that to him. And Naoya... it’d be difficult for him at the start, you expect that. But you just know that if he could warm up to Kazuya before, then he’d certainly grow to love having someone like him for a big brother. Just as much as you’d love having someone like him for a son.


	2. A Break-up

Gin checked his phone again, just to be sure. Still no reply from Shirou. He tapped it against his chin, trying to keep the worry from growing into something more serious. Shirou usually answered pretty quick, even if it was just a row of emojis. But Gin has sent him a message almost a week ago, asking whether he wanted to meet up over the weekend, and there’d been nothing but radio silence in return. To be sure, he’d sent one or two since then, in case maybe the first hadn’t gone through, but nope. Still absolutely nothing.

He shuffled along the sidewalk, kicking a couple of rocks that happened to be in his path. It probably wasn’t a big deal. After all, Shirou had mentioned how his parents practically kept him locked in his room to make him study for his entrance exams. Jerks like that wouldn’t hesitate to confiscate his phone too, if they felt like it.

...Of course, that had all been months ago. But, c’mon! If they were that big of a pain just for the exams, they’d probably be even worse now that Shirou was actually in that fancy new school.

So, it’d probably be okay to just stop by and see how he was doing, right? Gin hadn’t been over to Shirou’s house before - that just wasn’t their thing, they didn’t need to go through a whole ‘meet the parents’ fiasco, especially since those parents obviously sucked  - but he knew the general neighborhood, and where Shirou’s new school was. So, if he just waited around the route, he should be able to run into him, no problem! And then it was just a matter of finding out what was up, and make their plans.

As he glanced around to make sure he was in the right place, Gin wondered if maybe this was being a little too clingy. Not hearing from Shirou was strange, sure, but showing up out of the blue might be even worse... no, it was probably fine! After all, Shirou was always doing impulsive stuff like this. He liked it. He’d probably get a kick out of being on the receiving end for a change. And besides, it didn’t have to be, like, a whole  _ thing _ . Just a quick meet up, and then they could both be on their way.

Still... Gin checked his phone again, this time for the clock. Shirou ought to be coming by any minute now. He couldn’t help the grin at the thought. A week wasn’t that long, but after years of seeing him almost every day, it had just felt so dull. Quickly, he ran his hands through his hair, slicking it back the way it looked best, and tried not to make it too obvious he’d actually been waiting.

Finally, there he was. Shirou, walking by himself on the street perpendicular to his own, bag slung over his shoulder. The grin practically split Gin’s face, and he raised an arm to call out, “Shirou! Hey!”

Shirou looked over at him, face twisting in plain confusion as Gin ran up to him. “Huh? What’re you doing here?”

There was something kinda... weird about his tone. Gin’s smile faltered a little, but he just shook it off. After all, Shirou’s new school had to be really stressful, and maybe he wasn’t in a great mood. No big deal, this wouldn’t take long. “Well, you weren’t answering my messages, and I figured your parents probably took your phone or something, so-”

Shirou’s puzzlement just deepened. “Uh... I already told you, they’re leaving me alone now. And why were you messaging me at all?”

...Huh? Gin blinked back at him, feeling equally confused now. “Well, why wouldn’t I? We’re, um, friends.” The word tripped out awkwardly, like it had more and more the last year. Gin knew, obviously, that fooling around and making out didn’t have to mean they were dating. Stuff like labels or ‘making it official’ all just made things more complicated. Like Shirou always said, who needed the annoyance?

But it- it still felt like ‘just friends’ wasn’t really right anymore. He almost wanted to laugh at himself. Seriously, labelling things like this was such a pain...

“Well,” now Shirou started sounding concerned for him, “Sure, we were. But c’mon, we’re in high school now! It’s a fresh start. Why would you want to keep dragging all that around?”

‘ _ That _ ’? Gin tried to make his mouth work. Tried to say something. But this conversation had gone so far off the rails of anything he expected, he could barely even process what he was actually hearing. And Shirou was staring at him now like he had some kind of weird disease - worried and vaguely disgusted. He didn’t want to see that. Gin looked down at a crack in the sidewalk, and managed to get out, “I... I mean... I like you, you know? Of course I still want to-”

“You can find new people to like, though. It’s not hard, there’s plenty of ‘em all over the place, and they’d be less of a hassle.” He shrugged, tone casually baffled. “Sorry, but I really just don’t see any point to keeping this up. Isn’t it kinda boring already?”

And then he kept walking, past Gin, up the street, and Gin tried to think of what he could say to that. Shirou acted like this was obvious, and Gin tried to see it, to understand what he meant, but he couldn’t. Shirou never said anything like this before now. Just last week, everything had seemed  _ fine _ . Just how long had he not been happy? What could Gin have done to change his mind? Was there anything he could do now?

Gin turned and opened his mouth to call out, to try again to explain that he didn’t just  _ like _ Shirou, and he couldn’t just drop it all that easily. But Shirou spoke first, looking over his shoulder like he’d just realized something. “By the way, could you delete my number off your phone? It’s kinda weird that you still have it when I don’t have your’s.”

Then he lifted a hand in farewell, and kept going.

Gin just stood there. Tried to imagine chasing after him, convincing him that this was different. But how could he? He hadn’t even realized Shirou was bored with him. What kind of argument could he make, defending their relationship, when it had that fragile of a foundation this whole time? He  _ should  _ have understood... he should have  _ known _ ...

Tears started to fill his eyes then. He wiped at them viciously, but they just kept coming until they finally spilled over. That was what sealed it, in the end. What made him finally turn and head home without another word. There was no way he could say anything  _ now _ . If there was one thing Shirou couldn’t deal with at all, it was crying.


End file.
